Jokes

[[image:newantcup.gif]][[image:HumourLaughingKitten.jpg width="107" height="136"]]See what you think of these......maybe you could email in some of your own?...
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay, I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later...no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later...no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside the door. The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?" The centipede says, "I'm going, I'm going, I'm just putting on my shoes!" Why did the fly fly? //Because the spider spied her!// Why did the flea fail his exams? //He wasn’t up to scratch!//

What do you call a fly with no wings? //A walk!//

Why wouldn’t they let the butterfly into the dance? //Because it was a moth ball!//

How does a flea get from place to place? //By itch-iking!//

What did one flea say to the other flea? //Shall we walk or take the dog?//

What’s smaller than an ant’s mouth? //An ant’s dinner!// Where would you put an injured insect? //In an antbulance!//

What has four wheels and flies? //A rubbish bin!//

How do we know that insects are so clever? //Because they always know when your eating outside!//

What do insects learn at school? //Mothmatics!//

What's the biggest moth in the world? //A mammoth!//

Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket? //Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can't play grasshopper!//

What is green and can jump a mile in a minute? //A grasshopper with hiccups!//

What did one firefly say to the other? //Got to glow now!//

What is the difference between a fly and a bird? //A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!//